The Struggle (to Come Out) is Real

I am finding it harder and harder to contain it anymore. It's eating away inside of me and I don't know what to do. My family once told me that if I was gay they would accept me. And I completely believe them. I guess it's just never the right time or maybe I'm just afraid that after I tell them, they will treat me differently, even if they don't mean to. When I'm on the internet I feel like I can be more myself because there's a certain level of anonymity on it , at least on tumblr. For some reason I feel more comfortable being even remotely gay on tumblr or any other social media site than I do with even my closest friends and family; even with people who already know the truth about who I am. Why is it that I seem to express myself, my true self, better with complete strangers than with people I have known my entire life? From celebrity crushes to real life ones (on girls and guys) there has only ever been one that has stayed with me. She helped me, in a way and without actually meaning to, discover who I am. Even though she left a bit of a hole in my heart that I can't seem to completely shake no matter how hard I try. And if you've ever seen the show Faking It you know how the story goes. I'm Amy and she's Karma, and I fall for her but she only likes me as a friend. Except for the part about me telling her how I felt. That never happened because she found out from someone else before I had the balls to tell her myself because I was worried that it would ruin our already crumbling friendship. I just, I swear I need more gay guy friends or at least a straight guy friend who accepts me so we can point out hot girls together and then I can do the same thing my gay guy friend or straight girl friends of mine. I just feel like it would make life much easier if I knew, and was friends with, people like me. That way I could feel a little more accepted. Maybe then my sexuality wouldn't be one of my main concerns as I go about my day like a normal human being. It doesn't help that my desire for love increases with every beautiful love song I hear on the radio or some Nicholas Sparks real-life romance I hear about. And it's not to say that I can't be an independent and strong woman. I am just saying that I want to know what it feels like when you care for or even love someone and those feelings are reciprocated.