Early Morning Revelations

I'm just feeling so lonely. Like I have no one to talk to, even when I don't have anything to talk about. Sometimes I just need somebody. I know that I have a whole array of people who would disagree, saying that they're always there for me and that they always will be. And they are right, they are usually there for me, except for when they are busy or asleep or when I feel as though, for whatever reason, I cannot trust them with what I have to say. When I can't tell them because they would be mad or upset or are just simply not in any fit state to bear any problems besides their own.


I miss my friends. The ones that are not here (at college). The ones that I don't get to see almost everyday. I wish they would talk to me, or at least do something other than sending me the occasional snapchat pic. Is it really so much to ask? I'm just worried we're growing apart and I don't want that to happen to us. They have been such good and understanding friends and I don't want to lose what we had before. I hate to admit it, but I know that it does go both ways. I know it's up to me too, I guess I'm just tired of always having to be the initiator in spending time with my friends. I'm also just really tired of getting bailed on by my friends when we've already made plans to hang out. Like, I know people are busy but you couldn't of told me that you wouldn't be able to make it before the day we were going to hang out. But, I guess that's a risk that I'll have to take to keep my friends close or to keep them at all, really.


I need to talk to her (the girl I had a crush on in high school). I need to explain why I did what I did. I need her to know that, even though she didn't mean to, she helped me realize who I am. She helped me discover that I am bisexual. She has to know that she helped me through that long and difficult process everyone who has had to come out can attest to how all too lonely and isolating that can be.